The Internets Are Mine

I now have high-speed internets in my house. Yes, from the coffee-stained comfort of my mountain shack, mere steps from my heated fart-sack, I can now pound inane and poorly formulated thoughts and post them for all of cyber humanity to see. It’s been a long time coming. The technician asked me how long I had been waiting, and I said three years. He nodded silently for a moment and said, “ah yes, that sounds right.” Ten minutes later, he was gone, and I was online.

And oh! what a change it is! I feel that I have suddenly been thrust into the modern world, with instanst access to Jizz In My Pants, curry recipes and the Hank Aaron’s lifetime statistics. I can hardly decide what to do first, so I keep a dozen windows open on my browser.

A corollary benefit is leaving the house less. The Lesbo Rider collects pine needles as I cook up every last scrap in my house. I can’t leave. What if someone Skypes me? I can only sit back and watch my bank account swell as gas, beer and restaurants become expenses of the past. Maybe i can watch it grow in real time, online. It’s like counting your gold pieces, except that I’m swimming in a pool filled with bits of information, happily drowning in my internets-induced bliss.

I shall now drink deeply of the internets’ infinite knowledge. Bottom’s up!

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4 Responses to “The Internets Are Mine”

  1. poetloverrebelspy Says:

    Welcome to the 21st century. We’ve missed you! Sure hope this means more plans and blog updates.

    How much does the privilege cost? I assume you had to pay installation too?

  2. editcostarica Says:

    I had to pay about $40 to get it plugged in, and I shell out another $35 a month for a 1024/512 connection. I’m pumped. I used to pay $15 a month for dialup, which didn’t include the phone time, so my monthly bill was always over $40. Now, I get to enjoy fast interents in the comfort of my musk-laden bachelor shack.

  3. Webb's on the Web Says:

    I got the Internets too!! Only had to wait 8 months for mine. See you on Skype.

  4. gunky Says:

    gunky says hi

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